As someone who loves dogs and always wants to engage with any person who has a dog with them, it can be tempting to bend right down and pet a stranger’s dog without asking.
But, as someone who has helped to raise and train many dogs with anxiety issues, I also know that sometimes, it is not a good idea to offer your hand to a dog you do not know. People who are unfamiliar with dogs might believe that dogs bite because they are aggressive or mean—we know that most dogs bite because they are afraid.
If you’ve ever met a dog that growls and barks at you when you approach it, you are probably dealing with a dog that is anxious and needs some space. Not all dogs who need some space and time to get used to new people are wearing vests that remind strangers not to approach or try to pet them.
One of the dogs I grew up with was rescued from a shelter and had some very real, very deeply-seated anxiety issues. She is a sweet dog once you get to know her (she has an innate ability to pick someone out of a group that is having anxiety and to show them special attention), but she also dealt with fear aggression for most of her adult life.
We battled with other people who would just come up to her and try to pet her or let their children or dogs run up to her, not realizing that in a moment of panic, if we couldn’t ward the person or dog off fast enough, she might bite them.
This is why it is so important to ask if you can pet a stranger’s dog, especially if they are leashed and being held back by their owner. Most dogs love to meet new people and have absolutely no problem being touched by someone they do not know well.
There are some dogs, however, that are not going to be okay with an invasion of their privacy. And while nervous dogs can be trained to trust new people, there will always be dogs that are at various stages of adjusting to new people and simply do not want to be touched or approached.
Most dog owners like talking to other dog lovers and have no issue with someone new petting their dog, unless that dog is known to need space before being introduced to a new person.
It is always best to address the person first and ask if it is okay to pet that dog. Not only is this better manners than simply bending down to pet the dog before saying hello to the person on the other end of the leash, it also ensures that you are not just about to put your hand in danger of being bitten.
When dogs bite, many people are too quick to blame the dog and the owner, not realizing that they are actually the instigators of the bite. Not all dogs are amenable to being touched by strangers. Many people forget that dogs have boundaries, just like humans do, and they can be reactive when those boundaries are crossed. Even if the dog appears friendly and totally calm, be sure to ask before you pet a stranger’s dog!
